It’s the day after Valentine’s Day. I’m still dateless, but I’m working on
changing that.
Sitting directly across from me at my favorite
coffeeshop are two young people who are obviously meeting in person for the
first time. Online dating in
action. They’re awkward, a little
nervous, but they seem to be enjoying each other’s company. I don’t know who they are, what website
they used, or if they’re just pretending to like each other. All I know is that they are both users
of some dating website and they had enough in common to meet for a date.
They used their noggins: Meet in a public place.
Online dating was a taboo for so long because
there was no way to know if the beautiful person you were talking to was
actually the person they presented themselves to be. There have been too many stories over the years of people
befriending another online, only to turn out to be murderers, child molesters,
or just general perverts.
It’s terrifying, but all too true. Who are you actually talking to?
~
I think the two across from me are hitting it off
pretty well. They’re talking about
video games, and earlier they were talking about Star Wars. I heart nerd love.
~
“Hey Anonymous! I’m a little worried about meeting a date from online. How do I know they’re not going to spike
my drink and murder me?” asks a reader.
Well reader, you don’t.
“I’m never going to do it. Screw this,” they reply.
No no no.
Yes you are.
“No.
Not if I can’t get some kind of assurance that they’re not a psycho
killer."
"Qu’est-ce que c’est?”
Sorry, it’s impossible to categorically determine
whether or not someone is a serial killer. Impossible, unless you take the time and do your
homework. There are some really
simple things you can do to try to find out if someone is who he or she says
they are. Everyone’s profile (mine
included) gives you a glimpse of who they are and what they do. If you know their name and their
occupation, you get on that Google-thingy and you go hunting.
When someone messaged me out of the blue, I had a
really hard time believing that someone so, well, so hot and smart wanted to
talk to me. I’m not ugly, and I’m
not unintelligent, but damn.
So what did I do? I got her name, trolled her profile for her occupation and
location, and I went digging through the murky waters of the interwebs.
Step 1: Google [first name] [job] [location]
Step 2: Click on “Images” – if they or their job has a
website, it’s very likely that it will make it there. Try to match it with their dating profile.
Step 3: If you’re not lucky with the images, you just go
through the search listings. If
it’s a common name or a large metropolitan area, you’ll probably have to go
many pages deep into the listings.
Step 4: If you see someone with the right first name and
right job, google their full name and repeat steps 2 & 3.
If you’ve struck out, try some variations on job
title or location. Have you ever
googled yourself? It may take a
little while, but you will find yourself eventually. You’ll probably find more about yourself than you would like
to be on the Internet, but this is about finding other people.
If you are interested in more information about
protecting your own privacy, check out the Federal Trade Commission’s site. You also should go to www.spokeo.com and make sure you get yourself
removed. That may be the single
scariest site on the entire Internet.
Find yourself, then go here: http://www.spokeo.com/privacy.
No first date needs that much
information about you.
BTW, I love how “google” is now a culturally
acceptable verb. I genuinely do – we
were witness to an epic etymological evolution and that’s is pretty awesome.
Unfortunately, I cannot condone carrying a weapon
with you on your first date, except for pepper spray of course. Most women do, or at least should,
carry this with them. Please check
your local laws to make sure it is not considered a concealed weapon, but I
might carry that shit anyway if I were you. Just don’t get trigger-happy and hit a nice guy…
 |
| Not cool. (Thank you: Periscopepost.com) |
Most importantly, make sure you meet for the
first time in a public place. If
it’s night, make sure it’s well lit or at least busy enough that you can be
noticed.
And of course, when you’re messaging each other
before you actually meet, it’s a-ok to say something along the lines of “you’re
not a serial killer, right?” Every
single person who has ever gone on an online date has thought of it, and
hopefully everyone does their due diligence on their prospective dates.
You could always just ask their full name and get
an official background check done.
It can be done online. If
you’re willing to invest the time and money into it, it is a nearly fool-proof
way to make sure they aren’t wanted criminals, registered sex offenders, or
Santorum-ites.
 |
| My brain is thiiiiiiissssss big! |
Unfortunately this is all a little moot for me at
the moment, considering I have yet to have an actual date. That does not change the importance and
necessity for doing a little pre-date legwork.
Which of the following two seems worse?
1) A great date turns out to be a registered sex offender.
2) A lousy date turns out to be just a nice guy you don't like.
If you said number 2, maybe you should go read
this: ABC News - Scary Online Dates
It’s arguable that people will go further out of
their way for sex than they will for money. All I can do is preach prudence and caution. If you’re too pragmatic to believe that
someone may have ulterior motives, I can’t help you. I just wish you safety and good luck.
You could always stash a smoke bomb in your
undies for a spectacular getaway…
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