Thursday, June 7, 2012

I Am Selfish And So Can You


I am currently in hour 7 of 10 of traveling today.  I have already spent more time on the train than I did in my destination total.  All for the cause of course, but the delirium of a double gig last night + 6:40am train this morning + walking up and down vicious New England hills = one delirious blogger.  One good thing about delirium (and mini-bottles of Dewer’s scotch) is the ability to be introspective without promoting self-doubt.  That is, unless you’re already fighting the devils of doubt.

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t dealt with some doubt devils over the years.  I’d actually be lying if I said I wasn’t dealing with them now, but for some reason the fatigue, delirium, and semi-tasty booze are doing a pretty good job of giving me clarity rather than anxiety. 

It could also be the fact that I walked around the city most of the day without realizing I spilled coffee ALL OVER my nice button-down shirt.  Seriously people, you can’t take me anywhere.  Thank goodness it was AFTER my meeting; at least I don’t care what train people think about nicely dressed AJ (Anonymous Johnson, for you newcomers) with a big splotch of coffee colored grossness on a pretty blue J. Crew shirt.  I’m too delirious to try to flirt with some of the sublimely gorgeous women on the train anyway – unlike my dear chessboxing opponent one day a few moons ago…

Regardless, what normally would make me want to curl up into a ball and cry for Mama is instead stifled laughter in a semi-crowded train car, currently in the New Haven, CT station waiting to pick-up Yankees and Elis.  Kill me now.

The point I’m trying to get to: Levity.  Or for you Aesopian moralists (oh how I hate you so): “Always look on the bright side of life!”

How can I take myself seriously if I’m running around the world with a huge fucking coffee stain on my shirt?  How can I be mad at myself for going hours without noticing, walking around and smiling and thinking everything is peachy-flippin-keen?  It’s not like I have an emergency ironed dress shirt in my army-surplus shoulder bag.  It’s my own damn fault anyway – I was walking down the street with an umbrella, cup of coffee, trying to smoke a cigarette, while talking to my boss.  It was pouring rain; priority was keeping my bag and computer dry.  Every single one of you reading this would agree: functional computer > coffee-stained dress shirt.  That’s why god invented dry cleaners, duh.

I digress.  Levity.  I read one definition of levity that said “the treatment of a serious matter…in a manner lacking due respect.”  That may be true, and however much it pains me to admit it, I think I’ll have to side with the Aesopians on this one.  So what I have a nasty coffee stain on my shirt – I had a fairly successful trip today, especially considering I had about 90 minutes of couch napping between when I woke up on Wednesday morning and getting on a train at the ass-crack of dawn Thursday.  The two or so hours of train sleep this morning doesn’t really count.

So where’s my point, you ask…  If I can sit here, stain and all, and smile and laugh and poke fun at myself of the whole matter, that is levity.  Levity is what keeps people from losing their shit over something stupid like spilt milk.  Or in my case spilt coffee (which normally evokes tears anyway…more so for the lost coffee rather than the stain it may or may not leave).

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During the course of my solo business trip today I had a major league epiphany.  Granted, I already knew the result of the epiphany: I’m a selfish twat.  The irony is that the epiphany would make most people go: “Well, I’ve done some cool shit.  I guess it’s time to go settle down and start a family and yadda yadda,” which really means “it’s okay to go crawl under a rock and die now.” 

As my meeting was wrapping up (looking at potential office space to rent for my new job), I had to give the guy my business card.  “Sorry,” I said.  “This is from my soon-to-be previous career.”  Not like I was going to tell him that it’s a temporary step-back, not an “I give up,” but I had to somehow justify handing him my lovely, professionally designed musician business card.  We talked for a few seconds about it, he had some interesting questions about my career, but it made me think…  Fortunately or unfortunately, when you’re wandering around a strange city where you know one person (who was out of town today), you can do nothing but think…  The following is my convoluted train of thought over the course of the afternoon.

I really have done some cool shit in my life.  I opened up for Natalie Cole and Chuck Mangione at 18.  Got to play on the field at the (now gone) Veteran’s Stadium.  A few years later I was opening up for Talib Kweli in front of 50,000 people.  I’ve played with former sidemen for Ray Charles, Jay-Z, Matisyahu, and countless other monsters of music.  I’ve gotten to see places and do things because of music that would have cost me years (yes, years) of income to manage, including visiting another continent.  Icing on the cake is, frankly, I’ve never played better piano in my life.  It’s not pride talking – it’s fact.  I wish I could find a slightly less ignorant way of saying it, but it’s hard to be self-confident without being a prick.  For the purposes of this self-aggrandizing/self-effacing blog (combined with fatigue, coffee, and now booze), I’m just going to push it a little farther than usual for now.  No apologies though – it’s not like I’m saying mean things about yo’ mamma or sumthin…

Me, with my infinite justifications for levity, bizarre Vulcananian logical deductions, and hyper-self-awareness came to the complete opposite conclusion.  I’ve done some really cool shit.  I know I sound like an A-level asshole right now, but it’s true.  To save (a little) face, I’ve been this way my whole life.  Chasing adventures, breaking expectations, not caring what people think about me, etc., has been my M.O. since I was old enough to tell stupid people to “fuck off.”  (If you were wondering, it started when I was 5 or so…) 

I’ve been re-inspired to do what is the unexpected; to do what I think is best for my long-term needs and goals.  And as you all well know by now, starting a family is at the very bottom of that list of needs and goals.  It’s why I’m (albeit temporarily) giving up a fairly successful music career in one of the world’s hardest cities to be a musician.  It’s not because I don’t believe in my abilities, it’s because I want to do bigger and better things that I can’t provide for myself on a mercenary musician’s income.  So sue me.  If it means women scoff at my choice of lifestyle, so be it, I’ll deal.  

I reckon there’s a woman or two out there who thinks along the same lines as I do, wondering why no man wants to be a part of their world because of their inherent need to do what they feel is important to their own lives.  Maybe our paths will cross.  The funny thing is, if my path crosses with hers, we’ll probably both think each other are turds and never speak again.  I wonder if some of my mediocre first dates have been just that – two kindred spirits on the path of self-discovery and self-improvement that realize there’s just not enough time in the day to share it with another.  It’s her loss, but it’s my loss too. 

The final conclusion, aka, the “Moral” (fucking Aesopians): Actually, I don’t think I have one.  The onus really is just on the individual to realize what they want and need.  If they ignore their subtle Freudian needs for a simple cuddle, then fuck ‘em (figuratively...if I was implying literal, don’t you think I’d have a much mellower tone here?).  I’m not saying “Hey baby, you’re hot, let’s go [insert boorish euphemism for sex here].”  I’m too old for that shit.  My rule has (almost) always been: I would rather wake up alone and lonely than wake up somewhere and say “oh no, what did I do…”

So I guess I do have a moral: Be honest to yourself.  If you’re willing to give up a little fun for your personal needs, than so be it.  I’m that way most of the time – I don’t chase.  So yea, sometimes I jones for a little simple physical contact, but I don’t go home crying about it either.  So not worth the time.

Actually, I lied.  The moral: All the cool shit I’ve done in the past has merely reaffirmed my selfishness.  I want more.  It’s not like I’ll cut you to get what I want, I’ll just walk around you instead.  I reiterate: So sue me.

I both long and rue for the day that I meet her.  “Her” being a similarly Vulcanesque logistician that knows exactly what they want, just not how to get it.  All I know is, we’re going to drive each other crazy, and well, I can’t wait.

P.S. Someone sitting near me on the train has sumtin smelly....

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