I reckon I owe someone
an apology, somewhere, for something I may or may not have done; with or
without malice, sarcasm, or comedic intent; in person, online, or by proxy;
hopefully without bodily harm, financial loss, or humiliating you in the process. Or vice versa, in which case you owe me
an apology, you son of a bitch. No
clemency here, pay up fool.
I wish I had reason to
apologize for taking so much time away from this fun little endeavor. I would LOVE to tell you a story of
some fiery long lean sex machine, but it would be fiction. Heck, I wish I had a story about a
second date, but that would just be a plain lie.
Dare I try to pass off
that I’ve at least had enough boring first dates that I need my toes to count
too? No, I would have a better
chance passing off a yarn about ogres and space monkeys as the truth. I think the count is actually limited to one hand...
I do owe one small
apology. To the few of you who may
read this post, whom I know personally, and have yet to have a chance to tell
you myself: I’m moving out of Philadelphia in August. Details aren’t really for this forum, but it would be
difficult to continue writing the blog if I didn’t disclose the most basic of
details. That being said:
The truth, as I see
fit to present it:
A) I’m busy,
distractible, and I work an awkward and inconsistent schedule. When I get the urge to troll the dating
sites and occasionally grow a pair to say “hello,” it’s usually about two weeks
before we can find a mutual free night.
It’s nothing personal, but it doesn’t exactly make me an ideal date
candidate.
B) I’m very open about
my lame duck status here in Philadelphia, but I promise that my intentions are
not solely primal in nature. When
push comes to shove, I am still a hopeless romantic who wants to enjoy the
company of a new person. I want to
find out what we have in common, see what rattles your chain, test your
intelligence, listen to your voice, stare in your eyes, push your buttons, et
cetera. I want you to do the same
to me. Sure, I wouldn’t mind a
little sooky-sooky (hopefully she wants the same), but I’m happy just to have a
few good laughs and adult beverages.
Don’t mistake my openness about leaving town as a subito reference to “I just want to get in bed with you.” It would only be a fringe benefit of
enjoying your company.
C) My assurances are
probably as meaningless to a stranger as a minor league baseball game in
Taiwan, but I do not lie. Putting
aside the fact that lying is a waste of energy and oxygen – Lying requires you
to remember your lie and be able to recall it, on command, at any time. I can think of a lot of things I’d
rather spend that energy on, can’t you?
D) I probably won’t stop
smoking, drinking, and cursing for you.
You’ll probably want to enjoy at least two of those three things. Again, nothing personal.
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In order to keep
momentum, keep you entertained, and keep me from closing back off, I’m going to
try and post more. It may just be
quips, observations, and one-liners, but at least I’ll get them posted, rather
than laugh to myself and forget what I thought. I am capable of posting from my phone, but I’ll have to get
over my reticence for instant technological gratification first. And yes, I have a twitter (for this,
not for my person), which would certainly be the right medium for quips and
one-liners… Find it (if you dare:
@datingn00b)
I do have a final
observation for my not-so-triumphant return to blogging: A woman’s voice (tone,
timbre, quality) has a very high weight when determining a woman’s overall
sexiness. It’s almost as important
as her height and brainpower.
(Perhaps my next post will be a mathematical breakdown of a woman’s
sexiness potential. Hmmm….)
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