Pass/Fail Pop Quiz

So I went out in the real world last night.  Don’t get me wrong, so far I’ve presented myself as some kind of cave-dwelling anti-social ape man.

Is this what I look like?  Crap.

Thankfully, not true.  I am tall and hairy.  I also have had a life long battle with weight.  Not obesity level, but the difference between fit and frumpy.  I’m on the fit cycle right now (thank goodness).  Problem is, all of my clothes or all way too big or way too small.  Obviously I’m not going to wear the clothes that are too small, so the majority of the time I still look kinda frumpy. 

Back to the point: Last night I went to a large, sweaty, crowded dance party (live band, of course) where I knew there would be a bevy of sexy women.  A bevy of sexy women swooned by the throbbing pulse of an 11-piece powerhouse band and frightfully cheap liquor…

You haven't lived until you've had plum brandy

I did not go to the show with the sole purpose of finding some young hottie and then never calling her again.  I would have considered it, but remember, if you look too hard you’ll never find what you want.  My priority for the evening: Talk to strange (read: unknown person, not weird person) and attractive women.  If I’m really brave, talk one up enough to get a phone number.  Maybe a little grindy-grind twirly-twirl dancing.  At the very least, pick the one that I think is the hottest girl in the room and chat her up.

Too many wishes for the evening.  Let’s break it down into a scoresheet.  Variable +/- point system for scoring

Goal                                                                        Success/Fail

Get laid                                                                   Fail (-1 – it was very unlikely anyway)

Talk to strange women                                          Success (+4 – I’m a good talker)

Talk to strange/attractive women                        Success (+2 – I’m still awkward)

Talk to the hottest girl in the room                        Neutral (0 – we talked a bit, but I think 

                                                                               she was gay)

Grab stranger’s hand and dance                          Success (+2)

Dance with hottie friend of friend                          Fail (-3 – should have been easy…she

       smiled at me)

Not feel crapppy about not talking                        Fail (-6 – see above)

to hottie friend of friend

TOTAL:                                                                   -2 (not quite epic, but still a fail)

Despite the slight disappointment in myself, I had a fantastic evening.  For some, the lizard brain part of our cranium has a tendency to derail or destroy anything we want to do.  It also tells us to procreate, eat, shit, sleep, and anything else that is part of our biological imperative.

In other words, the same part of our brain that tells us to go out and procreate is the same one that will make you gag and choke like a stroke victim when a pretty woman smiles at you.

Moral of the story: Dating is rife with trials and tribulations that can completely destroy your sense of self.  Even worse, the introspection that is required to do the online dating thing can completely obliterate any faith you have in yourself.  Don’t let it get you down.