Adjustments

I’ve always been a coffee man.  I find something really genuine about sitting in a good café.  It’s a place where you can sit and do (almost) anything and the majority of people will leave you alone because they want to be left alone too.  A good coffee shop, one where you can get to know the baristas, meet some neighbors, and still have the option of putting your face into your book/computer/crossword puzzle and ignoring everyone, is paramount to success.

I’ve been a patron of the same coffee shop on and off for the last ten years.  Surprisingly, there has not been a tremendous turnover rate for a job that is generally done by students or people that just need to make that buck.  This specific, unnamed cafe has also consistently had a very high rate of beautiful baristas.  I would date several of them in a heartbeat, but then I run the risk of the proverbial “shitting where I eat.”

Oh, how true it is...

The likelihood of dating one of said baristas, having it fail in a conflagration of rhetoric and boiling water, and alienating myself from my favorite hideaway is very small, but possible nonetheless.

How Asking Out A Barista From My Coffeeshop Could Turn Out

50% - I won’t do for the aforementioned reasons.

25% - We date, it’s great.  We get bored, break up.  She still pours me coffee, just without the smile.

10% - We have one date, it sucks.  She still pours me coffee, just without the smile.

5% - Boiling hot coffee thrown in my face.

2.5% - “Oh, how cute!  Let’s go have a picnic!”

2.5% - [runs to the back to vomit]

2% - “Sorry, boyfriend.” She still pours me coffee, just without the smile.

2% - “I don’t date customers.” She still pours me coffee, just without the smile.

.75% - Any of the above, but she still smiles while pouring me coffee!

.25% - “Date?  Let’s just go hook up in the supply closet.”

Truth be told, I’d never ask them out.  You don’t shit where you eat.  But every day, I have a little hope that they will just ask me. 

nuff said...

~

Once again I have spent the afternoon tweaking what I wrote about myself in my profile.  I have no idea if it’s worth it too say too much or just be coy and keep it to a minimum.  Both have their merits and both have their faults.

Saying too little about yourself requires too much thought from the interested party.  Remember, you’re on this site to sell yourself. 

Looking for a date son?

 No, no, no.  Not sell your body, sell yourself!  You put yourself up on these sites in order to skip the whole awkward first encounter.  It’s fairly difficult to figure out if you’re compatible with someone when you’re too busy trying to figure out if this person is planning on undressing you or dismembering you. 

Hello Clarice.  Care for some Chianti?

Let’s agree on something.  The point of online dating is not about weeding out the crazies, but finding the crazy that’s the most compatible with your own.  We’re all nuts.  Everybody is crazy.  I don’t know about you, but I embrace that.  The craziest of us all are the folks who won’t acknowledge their own crazy.  The people who call themselves “sane” are the people who scare me the most.

On the other hand, if you say too much you are offering too large of a window into yourself.  Isn’t one of the cool things about dating the revelation process?  When the first thing I read on your profile is the super specific results of a 1,000 question personality test, I am prone to skip it and never look again.

Get in here and answer my "quiz"

 I’m finding it hard to reconcile the two.  So I guess I’ll just keep tweaking, adding, and subtracting.  That way at least I can feel like I’m presenting the best of myself at all times.

Today I decided to push towards the “Say Too Much” category.  I lean towards the realm of “ridiculous” sometimes.  I don’t mean running away from home and joining the circus, oh, wait, I did do just that (not the circus, but the running away thing).  I just felt remiss to not include that I am not your typical “sheep” of a human.  I think it will attract certain types of women that I’m attracted to, but it will definitely scare a few away.  I’m prepared to accept that, at least, until it takes weeks before someone bothers to write me back.

Oh Anonymous John, I heart your quirkyness.  Be mine?
<3 Zooey
(thank you TheSocialNewspaper for the hijack)

This is likelier to appear in my box, sadly...

I have yet to reach the point of sadistic curiosity about the lack of responses I’m getting, but I’ve only reached out to a few women.  Women that are probably as discriminate in their choices as I am, which means unless they are interested in a quick fling, they are going to take their time deciding to write me back or not.

I would probably do the same thing if someone wrote to me out of the blue.  After I did a little dance of joy for the fact that someone thinks I’m dateable.

(I know I’m dateable.  I actually have a pretty good track record.)

Maybe every single one of them is having a string of bad luck, but despite my charm and boyish good looks, they just don’t feel like going on dates right now.  That’s totally understandable.

I could be your Bradley...

But you'll only see me as a freakin' Ross Geller...

Patience is key right now.  My little brain says otherwise, but when does it not?  Ruminate...