How?

I settled on OkCupid.  Most of the aforementioned friends insinuated it was the most tolerable of the bunch.

We’ll skip the part about choosing a username.  Just know that it took about as long as the rest of the story.

I’m pretty good about coming up with witty short phrases about myself.  I had to turn off the inherent Jewish self-deprecation a tad, but I feel like I did a pretty good job.

Answer and skip a few of the ridiculous personality questions they ask.  Laugh out loud at a few.  Very impressed by the math questions.  I’m no Einstein, but I’m not looking to date a Jessica Simpson either.

~

Sidebar: I have intelligence ranked very highly on the sexiness scale.  I’ve found smart women to be better lovers.

~

You know you're not the only one...

Wow, holy shit!  This thing tells me that girls are looking at my profile! 

Oh crap, I better make sure I haven’t said anything too horrific or repulsing.

(several scrubs and re-writes later)

Ok.  I think I seem a little less sociopathic than I did before…

Wow, holy shit!  This thing tells girls that I’m looking at their profile!  What if they think I’m some kind of creeper?

Please please please don't let this be me

If that's me, just shoot me in the face.

Technically, it’s probably the same percentage of women who would think the same thing in real life.  If I would flirt with a stranger and not care if she thinks I’m a creeper, I can do it online too!  Right?

Shit, I better make sure this about me stuff doesn’t make me look like a creeper/jerk/[insert unpleasantry here].

(several scrubs and re-writes later)

Ok, a proper blend of nice guy, nerd, and jerk.  All three are pretty prominent in my personality. 

So I spent the next couple hours eating dinner, watching the 76ers lose, humanizing, etc.  Secretly, I’m building up the courage to talk to a stranger online.

Fail.  Maybe tomorrow?

~

Over/under on how many times I change my profile until I actually message someone = +8

Odds I actually message a girl = 6:1