Irony

While in the midst of a full-blown anxiety attack (while writing the previous entry), the horrendous new e-mail ping from my Mac shattered my concentration. 

Let me step back for a second.  My dear friend tried to convince me that I needed to sign up for JDate along with OkCupid.

“Why?  I love Jewish girls, but I have too many neuroses about getting married and baby-making.  I won’t do it,” I said.

“Yes you will.  The girls are more aggressive and you’re a wimp,” he countered.

“Make me.”

An intense match of chess boxing followed.  The result: My ass is now on JDate too…

It is a very real sport, I assure you

One day soon I will take a scientific look at the major similarities and differences between the two dating sites, just not now.

So I’m sitting here, writing away all the anxiety, when the aforementioned “ping” crashes my presence like a runaway semi into an unsuspecting coupe.  I always forget to turn it off when I’m trying to work. 

Holy crap, it’s not a spam from the theater I went to one time, five years ago.  It’s not eBay, Amazon, or LinkedIn trying to squeeze me for money.

Someone from JDate sent me a message…  Me?  A real message?  Not one of those stock “this person looked at your profile” notifications.  A genuine, originally written message from their brain is in my inbox, awaiting my eyes.

I hate myself for saying this, but the first thought was: “I hope she’s not ugly.”

Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about.  Catholics have it right – the human species is fallible.  You can’t win every game, no one bats 1.000, etc.  Ted Williams struck out every once in a while.  Peyton Manning throws interceptions.  Even Bill Russell got dunked on sometimes.  Love is blind, but attraction is deaf. 

Holy fuck, she’s gorgeous.  Tall, dark haired, glasses (yum, yum, yum).  Lives in another city a couple hours away. 

(self-explanatory)

Just my luck.  I still messaged her back though, a note full of charm and witty banter.  Just like a good Jewish boy would.  So we can’t just arbitrarily decide to have a drink.  I may never actually meet her, but at the very least I’m going to communicate with her.  Why the hell not, she thinks we have things in common! 

I don’t know what I’m looking for from this online dating thing.  The only thing I know is that I don’t know what I want (read it again, it makes sense).  If you’re going to take the time to stalk out my profile and say hello, I’m going to at least write back.  If you also happen to be 5’11” and intellectual…excuse me, I have to roll my tongue back into my mouth… I’m actually going to put some effort into it.

Just like a normal relationship – Give and Take.